I have this friend that I get to interact with twice a week. When I first met him he had a girl friend, so I just decided to get to know him, and become a good friend. He ended up breaking up with his girl friend not too long ago. He then would chat with me about this girl in Provo that he really liked. I gave him encouragement and advice to go and pursue it. (To give a little insight into the story he is going to leave out of state for the summer to work.) Last night at one of our encounters he gave me a hug before we all left. That was the first time I had got a hug from him.
The same night on Facebook I told him about how I was kind of sad that one of our mutual acquaintances didn’t show up. I then told him about how I was kind of starting to like this acquaintance. He told me that he thought it was cool, and that I should keep inviting him to gatherings so I could get the chance to talk to him more. I told him thanks for letting me talk about it. He told me that it was not a problem and that he knew that I trusted him when I told him about stuff like that. He then said that he knew that I put him in the friend zone so he’ll now never have a chance with me and then ended it with “lol”. I was drawn back with this, said what, and then told him that I didn’t know that I did that, but okay. He then said that if someone talks to you about someone they like and it isn't you, in his book it means they aren't into you. I then responded with that it wasn’t true in my eyes, but I’m not the typical girl. If I talk to someone about stuff like that it means that I’m comfortable with them and trust them. I told him then that I honestly wouldn’t turn him down to a date. He then responded with “Ha ha ha, maybe when I get back.”
So, I am left confused. Was he just joking? Or was he serious? Was I in the right of being confused? In his standards, didn’t he put me in the friend zone too when he talked about the gal from Provo? How do you define the friend zone? How do you know if you are in the friend zone? Why is there this stupid thing called the friend zone? Or was he thinking that since he's leaving next week for four months that, "What the hey, I'll tell her that I'm interested?" I’m looking for your opinions. :)
*Let me clarify: I am not really into this person, just was kind of interested*
Ok...let's see if I can keep this concise.
ReplyDeleteTALK TO HIM ABOUT IT.
If all you do is over-think things, all you'll have is a laundry list of what-ifs and zero I KNOWS.
Unless I misread this and/or he's a complete hypocrite by his own definition he's put YOU in the friend zone because he's talked to you about girls he liked.
But again, you'll never know for sure unless you TALK TO HIM. Since he is leaving for the summer I would ask how important this is to you. If it can wait until he gets back, maybe wait and see, but then it might be an opportunity lost if you don't go for it now.
TALK TO HIM. If you're worried about it being weird don't be. If I can stay friends with almost every boyfriend I've had (those two were butt heads anyway) AND my ex-fiancee, it won't be weird if you both don't let it be.
In my opinion and experience, if he were interested in dating he probably would have asked you out by now. He wouldn't have waited until he was leaving to make his feelings known, and from the sound of the conversation, he was just teasing. I agree with Kristen, he probably put you in "the friend zone" back when he talked about that other girl. It's not a perfect rule (if you talk about another interest it means you're "just friends"), but I've known it to be a pretty accurate indicator... At the very least, it means he values your opinion, and that ain't bad!
ReplyDeleteSo all along, as I read this, I was thinking...this guy only sees her as a friend. I felt that by "advising" him about asking other girls out, you perhaps thought that you were showing him what a good listener you are, and how he could trust you...unfortunately, that isn't the way most guys work...they start to see you as a buddy if you do that. So initially, I figured you had NO chance with this guy.
ReplyDeleteBut now that he said he thought YOU put HIM in the friend zone...I'm surprised. That's a total game changer! Perhaps all along he was talking to you about the other girl, because he wanted to feel out what your reaction would be. Maybe he was hoping you'd be a little jealous.
I think you did the right thing by telling him you wouldn't turn down a date, though that almost makes it seem as if "Yeah, we're friends, so I wouldn't turn you down...out of pity."
I think you need to take the initiative by telling him you've been interested in dating him for a while, but the timing never seemed right, and you thought he wasn't interested in YOU.
I don't think you should let him leave without taking you on a date. A lot can happen in one summer. He could be dating someone else by then, or you could. Besides, summer is still 3 months away! That's plenty of time to go on one or more dates. Then you can write each other all summer and see how you feel when he gets back.
Thanks ladies! I think I have a clear direction of where I should go with this now. :)
ReplyDeleteI talked with him and got clarification. He was just teasing. I think it's lame, but whatever. He did say that he thinks that it would be fun to go on a date with me, but that won't happen for awhile... lol. Thanks for your help!
ReplyDeleteThat's a STUPID thing to tease someone about! I agree with you, that's LAME!
DeleteWell you act fast! I didn't get to put my two cents in yet! I was going to agree - TALK TO HIM. I was also going to agree that he friend zoned YOU. Then I was going to say that it sounds like he is fine not wanting you but it irks him that you don't want him. The end:-) I'm glad you are so willing to communicate with him.
ReplyDeleteAw, I'm sad that he isn't really interested -- I hoped I was wrong!
ReplyDeleteOh well, on to another good guy, right?