Commitment

I was recently thinking of the old adage that states “men are more likely to flee from commitment than women”

I learned in sociology that men love more quickly than women and women tend to fall out of love faster.  So if it were somewhat having to do with that then I would say that women flee more than men.  I don't think men are afraid of commitment, really.  Some women are weird and get too attached, too fast, and that scares them. It happens the other way around, but not nearly as often, and so women chalk it up to the fact that men are afraid of commitment. If guys can find a good girl that won't scare them, they are the most committed, loyal people I've ever met.  On the flip side, I have met men that are not willing to commit to a relationship, or break off a relationship because of how “serious” it got.  If a man is not ready for marriage, he will flee from a relationship when it gets too serious.  

 In general there is too much bias and men are more likely to say women run from commitment and women are more likely to say men do. From my experience, it's in no way gender based but rather purely individual. There are way too many committed men and women to point fingers at a specific gender.

To help get  more insite into this statement I decided to interview three different people that are at different points in their life:

The first person I interviewed about this topic was a 30-year-old single female.  She agreed with the statement.  She said, “How often do you see men begging their girlfriends to get married? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but not as often. Society teaches men that perpetual bachelorism and not committing to one woman makes them suave and debonair. Whereas settling down with one woman and being happy with her makes him a pansy.”   

The second person I interviewed was a 42-year-old divorced male. He said that if it is true, he thinks what most men struggle with is not the desire to make a commitment, but rather with where or not the commitment is right for them.   

The third person I interview was a 23-year-old married female.  She said that she thought that commitment is an issue for both men and women in this new age of time. Women want to be big independent super stars. If they can’t find a man who will help them live up to that then they are going to avoid commitment. She also said that she thought that these independent super stars need to give the guys a brake. This can happen both ways.

I now want to know what you think.  Are men more likely to flee from a commitment, or is it women? Or all together, does gender not even matter in this subject?

Actionary man

I need to get better at this whole blogging thing… 

I got the motivation to write another blog post after I read a post from my good friend Larissa talking about reactionary dating.

To sum this up, the post is about how we should date people that will take action, and pursue the relationship with you, creating a partnership, instead of just reacting and saying that they will do things.  I came across this situation this past week but didn't realize it until I read what she said about it.

Honestly, I have really been on a lot of dates in the past three months.  It had gotten to the point where I declared that I didn’t really care about dating, and that I decided to put my efforts into improving in one of my many passions:  Improv.  I honestly looked at this as a good idea, and decided that if someone asked me out on a date, I’d go out with them, but I wouldn’t really pursue the relationship.

A couple of weeks ago I met a guy through some mutual friends. I didn’t really think anything of it, and just thought he was cute. Through the use of the internet he added me as a friend and we did plan a time to go out.  Before our date we talking about relationships and how dating can be difficult.  I shared with him that I would like it if guys at the end of the first date would ask if he could see me again, or if he didn’t think things would work that way.  I think that this is a good way to make it so things wouldn’t be dragged out and the other person knows the intentions of that person.

Our first date really was awesome, and he did share that he wanted to see me again. I was ecstatic, and we planned our next get together.  Throughout the week I would text him every so often and talk to him.  Our second date was great, and I had a great time.  I then continued to text him and talk to him. I then asked him if he wanted to do something last Saturday, so we set a time to do something, and it was great.  I continued to text him and got him to agree to another gathering Tuesday.  Noticing a trend yet? I then tried to plan another thing, but I got the classic, “I’m busy, we’ll have to do next week, I’ll get back to you on it.” At the end of our date Tuesday I told him that he could call me whenever he wanted to. 

 I haven’t texted/called him since our date.  I don’t plan on either.  As my ma would put it, the ball’s in his court.  If he doesn’t call in the coming next week I’ll accept the inevitable that he doesn’t care to continue the relationship.

The question I pose now is, am I being ridiculous in my thinking? Is it wrong of me to have him be the one to put just a little effort in the relationship? Am I being led on?  When did we get to the point where if the other person doesn't talk to you, if means that we should assume that they aren't into you? I'm not gonna put up with this. As Larissa put it, I’m looking for an actionary MAN, not a boy who will react.

Friend Zone?

I have this friend that I get to interact with twice a week.  When I first met him he had a girl friend, so I just decided to get to know him, and become a good friend.  He ended up breaking up with his girl friend not too long ago.  He then would chat with me about this girl in Provo that he really liked.  I gave him encouragement and advice to go and pursue it.  (To give a little insight into the story he is going to leave out of state for the summer to work.) Last night at one of our encounters he gave me a hug before we all left.  That was the first time I had got a hug from him.

The same night on Facebook I told him about how I was kind of sad that one of our mutual acquaintances didn’t show up.  I then told him about how I was kind of starting to like this acquaintance.  He told me that he thought it was cool, and that I should keep inviting him to gatherings so I could get the chance to talk to him more.  I told him thanks for letting me talk about it.  He told me that it was not a problem and that he knew that I trusted him when I told him about stuff like that.  He then said that he knew that I put him in the friend zone so he’ll now never have a chance with me and then ended it with “lol”.  I was drawn back with this, said what, and then told him that I didn’t know that I did that, but okay. He then said that if someone talks to you about someone they like and it isn't you, in his book it means they aren't into you.  I then responded with that it wasn’t true in my eyes, but I’m not the typical girl.  If I talk to someone about stuff like that it means that I’m comfortable with them and trust them.  I told him then that I honestly wouldn’t turn him down to a date.  He then responded with “Ha ha ha, maybe when I get back.”

So, I am left confused. Was he just joking? Or was he serious? Was I in the right of being confused? In his standards, didn’t he put me in the friend zone too when he talked about the gal from Provo?  How do you define the friend zone? How do you know if you are in the friend zone? Why is there this stupid thing called the friend zone?  Or was he thinking that since he's leaving next week for four months that, "What the hey, I'll tell her that I'm interested?" I’m looking for your opinions. :)

*Let me clarify: I am not really into this person, just was kind of interested*